I'm not really sure how to explain my current situation other than to say I have hit the sophomore slump. Basically, I don't want to do anything anymore. I'm tired of classes. I'm tired of working and going to school. I'm tired of my classmates. I'm just dog tired. All the time. I really wish I had the courage to drop out because at this point, I am so unhappy with the little amount of "me time" that I have that I'd rather have all the "me time" in the world and not do anything.
Dropping out has never been a consideration of mine before. I've always be driven and had goals. As long as I can remember I was working towards something. I'm headstrong and usually know what I want out of life. Lately, I don't want anything other than to lay in bed, watch old movies, and eat chocolate. Lots of chocolate. I have no motivation. I just keep dragging on thinking that this feeling will pass.
So why not drop out? Have you ever just sat down and thought to yourself "what would really happen if I dropped every single thing I am doing in my life?". It may start off okay but soon your thoughts take you wild places. Sure, I''m just dropping out of college. I can stay at my job like I am and live like I am for forever. But do I really want to be stuck? because that's what happens. You get stuck in a routine and you lose yourself. After a few years it gets hard to get out of this routine that you've gotten yourself into and then what? Do I wait to be swept off my feet by some knight in shining armour? What's he gonna do? Leave me barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen until one day he decides he needs someone without so many miles on them. There's nothing to fall back on after that if I don't have a degree. So I can't drop out.
And then there's my family. Do I really want to drop out? What would they say. I'm supposed to be the first one to get her bachelors degree without stopping. I'm supposed to go places and do things. But I don't want to do anything.
At this point I'm just trying not to let this feeling bring down my grades or my work. And if you pretend that I have anything resembling a social life then I guess I don't want that to be brought down either. But let's be honest, 19 credit hours at school and work 6 nights a week means that my boyfriend gets to see me sleep. I can try to stay up but me without sleep means me single because I am not a morning person and I'm short tempered when I'm tired. And nobody wants to date that.
Obviously I'm just complaining. Plenty of other people do this. With kids. I can just be thankful that that's not me.
